Tantra for couples: the case for learning it rather than receiving it

Most couples who book a tantric massage expect to be worked on in parallel, and that is one perfectly good way to spend the session. It is not the one we would recommend first.

Three ways to run a couples session

• Alternating — the therapist works with each of you in turn while the other rests.
• Guided — the therapist works with one of you while talking the other through what she is doing.
• Taught — the therapist teaches you both a technique to use on each other, and corrects as you go.

The third is the one couples consistently get most out of, and consistently do not think to ask for.

Why the taught version works better

Tantric massage is largely about pacing, breathing and sustained attention — none of which requires professional training to do reasonably well. What it does require is someone showing you how slowly slow actually means, because almost everybody's instinct is roughly four times too fast.

Ninety minutes with a therapist correcting your hands as you work is worth considerably more, in the long run, than ninety minutes of being worked on. You take it home with you. The other version ends when the session does.

What to expect on the night

A couples booking uses one of our two largest rooms. It opens with a conversation about what you both want — worth having honestly, and worth having before you arrive if the two of you want different things. From there the session is set up according to whichever of the three formats you chose, and can shift between them if it turns out you picked wrong.

Practical notes

• Ninety minutes minimum. Sixty is not enough for two people and a technique.
• Talk about it beforehand. Arriving with mismatched expectations is the only common way this goes badly.
• The wellness suites nearby, with jacuzzi and sauna, extend the evening naturally.
• You can ask for a female or male therapist.